Alot of concern~~

Today is a special day. I have been given a chance to lead p&w. It’s really a good experience. Before Sunday, I do my devotion except for Friday. I pray to God that Holy Spirit be with me. I don’t want to serve Lord without any meaning. I scared I will do the same mistake like last time. Sometimes I reject to be the presenter in front due to this. Human always weak and easy being attack by demon. I hate myself being arrogant!! I want to learn to be humble. I wan to be humble. I wan to help people surrounding, to serve people. I want the feeling of satisfaction. I don’t need people to pay attention on me. I just want to be a normal person. This morning my p&w team’s leader prays for me, my tears almost drop after the prayer. I felt like I will disappoint her. I have no confidence. I never listen to God’s voice. My relation with God is still like young miao. There are so many things I need to improve. I…I…am so tiny. Am I able to be? I know that we need to learn, we need to build up everything slowly, and it really need time. In the meantime my homework likes a small mountain. I don’t want to let my parents down. They have contributed so much to me, and I do not want them to be sad for me. I had promise them I will study hard but not guarantee to get very good pointer with my hard work. But till now I can’t concentrate on my studies. I am very sad. Very very sad. And I don’t want because of church’s work make myself suffer like that. I go church, join serving with my sincere heart. I really need a concentration!! God, please help me. I wish to hear your voice. But I scared. I don’t know what is your plan in me. I have lots of concern. My parents love me, I love my church. I love both. I need to balance both. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake again and again. One day, I wish one day..Lord, if that is Your calling I will do the best. I don’t want to regret anything. Everyday, everything is a blessed from You.